I know, I slack.

Today is a really hard day for me.

Father's day reminds me how horrid my dad is.
How horrible my children's fathers are.

How much it hurts.

And what's worse? My brother is here and I'm being screamed at and mocked by my mother because he's a fuck up.

My dad hasn't answered a call from me since last October. Won't return my calls, won't call me. I don't know why. I don't know what I did to screw up so badly that he's done with me. I don't know. I'm the only one who came to take care of him when he drove into traffic because he was playing with his ipod. His oh-so-loved step children - one who lives with him at 28ish - none of them came to help out. They all lived a lot closer, no one came to help him. I came with my child and I wiped his ass. I took care of his every need. But I'm not good enough now that my ex left 2 years ago. No, that guy left ME and my dad left me too. My dad distanced himself greatly once the ex left and has continued with that since.

So my dad, he apparently thinks he should be involved with my children without ever speaking to me again. No way, no way in hell. Not happening. Fuck you.

My brother goes to see my dad several times a year - always to ask for money. I've never asked my dad for money - only one that hasn't asked for a freakin dime, not even as a small child. Somehow he's got the idea that all I want from him is money though, despite that fact. I've told my brother a million times, DO NOT BRING HIS SHIT TO MY HOUSE. If my dad asks you to bring my children something, don't do it. Don't bring birthday or christmas presents. Don't get involved.

For whatever fucked up reason, my brother dropped off a birthday present and presented it as one from him. I opened it at Shae's birthday party, read the card and was almost in tears from the anger. I said to get that piece of evil out of my house. I did. I really said that. I meant it. I truly believe my father is evil and anything he touches he has a motive for that is selfish and to hurt someone else.

When my brother came over today, I ask to clarify who the present was from. I reminded him that he is NOT to bring things from that man into this house. I will not allow him to screw with me again and fuck up every good thing I think I have going. He literally ruined my daughter's second birthday party for me. My mom just got through yelling at me over this and then mocking me and calling me a cry baby for being upset. She said "Oh so go to your room and crrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy about it. booohoooooo" FUCK THAT. Hell yeah I'm crying. I'm so pissed and hurt and torn about this. Apparently its ok to be a total asshole if you're the first born ass kisser who only comes around when he wants something, like money or to borrow the truck. Promise, he'll leave here with a check from my mom. She asked how he was on money. The dude is almost 30. He's able bodied with no dependents. He should be JUST FUCKING FINE on money. He's got a master's degree and is a PhD candidate. He shouldn't be having a money problem. Know why he does? Cause he buys stupid shit and eats out all the time and buys expensive things that he'll never use. For that? For that you can be late on your rent. For that you can go without groceries cause you're busy buying Macs. You deal with your own issues.

But no, you come here when you need shit, don't take responsibility for a damn thing you do, and be an arrogant asshole. That's fine. That's perfect. Don't expect a damn thing from me. Cause guess what buddy? Other people might be kissing your ass and bowing in your presence but I'm the one who will tell you when you're an asshole and when you're being ridiculous. You do not impress me with your useless education in film studies. You do not impress me with your attitude and your entitlement. You are nothing worth noting except in a negative light.