Rituals

So I'm getting ready for bed and doing one of my best rituals. This is what I've done every night since, well always.
Go to the bathroom, pee about 1/2 a gallon
strip down and then realize I don't have my PJs
do this spy move sneak walk through the house to either my room or a pile of my folded laundry that hasn't put itself away yet
run back to bathroom - no spy moves, someone's already caught me by now
wash my face (for the last..I dunno over a year? I've oil cleansed, so someday when I'm 80, all my peers will be wrinkled and I'll still be smooth and flaunting myself - take that...in 55 years.)
brush teeth
fight with a sports bra - they're just NOT meant for fatties with tatas - but I make it happen! I WIN!!!
get PJs on
slather my lip with far too much chapstick
put on socks
pee again
pee again
pee again
pee again
did I mention I'm OCD about peeing before bed? I get phantom gotta-go pains too! its really odd.
pee again
and then get to the bed asap - if it takes longer than normal, if I make any stops...I gotta pee again.

Anyway the point here is that I have a ritual for bedtime. It might be sort of OCD in parts, but it works and hasn't caused real problems. In fact, it all makes me feel secure so I go to sleep quickly.

Rituals can be great. They can also be horrible.

I want my food journal to be a GREAT ritual. I want it to be a tool that I use always and that does serious good. I do NOT want it to be a bad ritual that leads to unhealthy habits and self destruction. Eating disorders can be really scary! Its REALLY easy to slip into those tendencies while dieting. It happens all the time. My goal is to keep the rituals healthy and helpful - avoid scary shit! So, write down what I eat - check. Eat in a way that I will consume so little calories in a day that an apple will break me - UNCHECK! Eat the way my body tells me to eat and let the numbers be what they are - check. Eat to look like a model - UNCHECK. Call my size 26 butt a fatty in a goofy/silly way - Check. Call myself a fatty in a tone of disgust or self hate? UNCHECK!!!

So yes, I will do things my way. I will call myself a fatty and giggle about it :) I will write down what I eat and be the neurotic chick with a notebook and pen at all times. Thank goodness for large purses. I will measure so much at home that I can get my portions exactly where I need them without a measuring utensil while out. One thing I need to remember this time - just cause I make great guesses does NOT mean I don't need to measure while home. Measuring cups and scales ARE my friend damnit.

My old bedtime ritual entailed eating something before starting my ritual. Maybe I'll try to blog instead now cause I have this spare time slot that's just dying to be filled.